Some very thought provoking questions will lead to some of the most emotional answers. What would you live, die and kill for is the riddle that faces me now. During different periods of my life some very simple answers could have been given as quickly as the question due to my activities and surroundings at the time. Thankfully, just as time has passed and I have been fortunate enough to make it this far, so has my ability and understanding with which amount of ease it would take to answer such an in depth question. What is ironic is that the question itself immediately takes me back to a time when the world was much more black and white then it is today, at least for me that is. In fact, I am literally hearing some old rap song by the Menace Clan in my head that I have not heard in about 15yrs.
There was a time when this question was almost part of a manifesto to my life and sadly it still is for many youth and adults who still have not found a way out of that cult mentality. Those who are lost and seeking for some direction often find only those that they first see and take them as a guide through life. In my late teens I would have responded in a melody to this question with “my hood” and that was something that is as certain as a Chicago winter is cold. In fact, our penitentiary system is overfilling with lost men, women and children who could easily echo the same mantra. Most of them if not all of them have little clue as to whom their neighborhood is governed by. They cannot inform you of whom it was founded by, nor whom it was named for; yet they are willing and able to live, die and sadly kill for it all the same. I see people on the verge of collecting social security checks still unable to escape this conviction while others like me barely had enough time to get our toes wet so to speak. I was blessed, events that make some into lifers made me into something else altogether and I have done my best to give thanks for those trials every day since.
A turn of events that I deem to be miraculous occurred in my own life leading me to see that those were not any types of principals that I would be continuing to live my life for, and honestly I had never really wanted to die or kill for in the first place. Upon learning that I had a child on the way, everything totally changed for me and without a doubt those that only knew me for the 5yrs before his birth would not know me at all today except a very small number. Knowing that I would be responsible for a child, what they ate, wore and how they would be housed was a welcomed punch in the face for me. Just prior to that I faced a great ordeal that clearly separated those who would in reality live, die and kill for me from those who only spoke empty words and repeated phrases they were ordered to repeat. Those that truly cared were almost entirely from my family which looking back on it now seems pretty obvious as to why I changed my views with my own extension of the family on the way.
I have no doubt that it is that same family, for better or for worse that I do live for and that I would die for if need be. I have seen my grandfather live his entire life, or at least the last thirty some years taking care of everyone in the family regardless of the trouble I was in or that I brought to his own doors. That is something that I find as one of the most honorable traits a man could have. Not that he condoned any of the trouble I was ever in, but he was there for me in a heartbeat as soon as I made a change or even talked about making a change. I like to think that this is just one of the reasons that I knowingly choose every day to work as hard as I do and to live the life I do now, so that I can be that rock for my family and provide whatever I can to take care of them in every way possible.
Dyeing for them, well I can’t say if I would or wouldn’t but I certainly like to think that I would. If dyeing for them meant that they would be able to go on and live then most certainly I would want that and I would want them to have the same traits and hopes for their families when the time comes if it ever should do so. This could definitely be in the heat of a dangerous situation or if a medical emergency ever arose. Sacrifice is something that I hold dearly and I feel that there are very few things that are actually worth such a sacrifice as to save your young. I hope that I am raising young boys and girls that will bring about a positive change in this world and by all signs I am doing just that, those are some little people that I could be at peace to die for.
I have no intentions of becoming a murderer, nor do I have any thoughts of avenging any wrongs that have happened to me in the past. So would I kill for those that I would live and die for? The answer is easy to me, especially after thinking of why I live and would be willing to die for them… definitely. Now would I kill an innocent person, absolutely not! If the situation came about where I needed to defend the lives of my loved ones then I would not hesitate to kill an attacker if it was the last possible solution. I have more or less always held a position of defensive killing but in these times I know that I would not do this for anyone outside of my inner circle whereas in the past I could have killed someone who did not belong in my neighborhood and they could easily have been innocent themselves. I am so happy to not have that worry on my shoulders any more.
So what would I live, die and possibly kill for; my answer is my family and not only that but I would hope that I will someday be able to share this thought process with others. Not because of me being someone special that they should be listened to, but rather because I am guilty of spreading some of that “hood” mentality during a distant time in my life and it is a burden that I carry at all times. I have some old acquaintances that made even sadder choices, they fulfilled the answers of my ignorance and are spending the rest of their lives supposedly making up for that. I am of the opinion that there is not a punishment in the world that can bring someone back to life but our society currently teaches otherwise or at least that is the coping mechanism that has been chosen by the people of our times. I like to think that the answers I gave would lead towards the betterment of this society, even if it was only taking one soul at a time that would be worth it to me.
